Thursday, September 30, 2010

Song of the Week (TXvOU Special Edition: ELO - Showdown)

Just another SOTW...TXvOU SPECIAL EDITION! You know what time it's time for that Red River Showdown son!

First I will address the unexpected reality of UT coming into this game with one loss. UT lost to UCLA.

What's important is the spirit of the Showdown...and that the Horns are clearly going to dominate. Much like Smokey v Debo, the Horns have mind control over the Sooners. Regardless, when these 2 teams meet in's bidness time. I can't think of any better bidness time song than Showdown.

Not since that epic battle between The Nature Boy, Kid-stealin', wheelin' n' dealin', custom-made, Ric Flair v. Lex Luger has there been such a Showdown.

TX and OU fans have a long history of talking mad noise to each other leading up to the game. These noise talking sessions can quickly spiral out of control to personal attacks.

Why just the other day I was having one such noise session with a Dad who went to OU:

JZ: So is your squad ready for the game?
OU Dad: Yeah, we're looking pretty tough. You guys had a great game last week...(clearly he was referring to the UCLA game)
JZ: How about...go F yourself!?
OU Dad: How about I put my foot in your @ss?
JZ: How about your son is ghey and I know because I saw him walking into Zippers with one of the Hispanic Eatzies checkout guys!
OU Dad: Seriously?
JZ: Yeah
OU Dad: Why didn't he tell me?
JZ: Because he knew you wouldn't accept him.
OU Dad: How could I be so blind...I need to reevaluate some things...(tears)
JZ: Hook em biatch!

Take a look around the fair tomorrow. You're gonna see a lot of goatees, jean shorts, and crimson. Jean shorts or no jean shorts, tomorrow is gonna be a Showdown.

Hook em,

Friday, September 24, 2010

Song of the Week (Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire)

Kings of Leon or "KOL" for 13-year-olds, was in Dallas last night, attempting to rock. I'm not sure how it went down because I wasn't in attendance, but I'm sure several guys sporting Hoobastank and Nickelback Ts thought that it "totally kicked ass".

I'll admit, the first time I listened to Kings of Leon, I was like: I'll put this in the "Dece" category. Short for "Decent", "Dece" is not a bad category to be in, but it certainly doesn't imply ass-kicking. Fast forward 5 years...people are praising the Kangs as if they were the 2nd coming of the Rolling Stones. Has the whole world gone CRAZY! How many times can you listen to "Sex on Fire" with schoolgirl giddiness? If I told some girl that her sex was on fire you wanna know what would happen? I'd probably get bear-maced. And I would deserve it for talking like such a colossal D-bag. "Hey babe...did anyone ever tell you your sex is on fire?" MACED!

I don't wanna hear any defense of Kings of Pee-on. I'm entitled to my opinion. I know when I attend a Megadeth concert that maybe the majority of the populace doesn't like hearing thrashing guitars, lyrics inspired by a nuclear holocaust, and/or, in my opinion, good old fashioned ass kicking, and that's OK. I'm fine with that. I can sleep at night knowing Dave Mustaine is out there putting on clinics for how to rock. So what if there are a few Dungeons n' Dragons players in the crowd? It comes with the territory.

Hoobastank Bro: "Bro, you know that I could use some-baw-day. Someone like you bro..."
Nickelback Bro: "Oh Brosky...your sex is totally on fire bro."
Hoobastank Bro: "Bro!"...Censored...

At the same time Kings of Leon provide hope to no-talent-ass-clowns worldwide. Proof that if you do whatever a record label tells you and you religiously ess D, you too could win a few Grammys.

Bday shout out to a special 30-year-old Jody. I know you would never give these punks a Grammy.

Hope you Dig (the article, not the band of course),

Friday, September 17, 2010

Song of the Week (Hipster Special Edition)

It came to my attention that I neglected to send out my usual "reminder" email. My bad.

I hope SOTW loyalists will accept this double feature of awesomeness as penance for said transgression.

I came across 2 important songs over the last week. One song illustrates the growing counter-culture of anti-hipsterism. The other song illustrates the absolute worst kind of hipster: the Crunk Autotune Screamo Hipster. Is there anything worse? Seriously?

I give you: "Freaxxx" by Brokencyde (btw...the "xxx" was no mistake...)!
Let's take a dive into the world of Brokencyde. I'm not gonna lie. I f'ing hate these guys. And yet, I'm somewhat intrigued by the most pure form of terrible I have ever seen. This video looks like it was filmed at a party I went to in High School, and immediately regretted attending. I mean what made these guys think this is OK? Cuz it's not.

Just when you think it couldn't possibly get any more ridiculous, the word is re-defined when Mikl drops some serious screaming on several girls. Look girls, if you lie to Mikl, he's gonna scream at you. Oh what's that? You didn't get the memo? Prepare to get screamed at!

Oh snap...did Mikl just faux-strangle that girl?

One word of advice to Brokencyde: get some cooler looking friends. Some of these guys look like you picked them up from a 24-hour Jolt Cola-infused World of Warcraft marathon.

Brokencyde, I hope you get beat up.

I now give you: "Being a Dickhead's Cool" by The GrandSpectacular

OK...I know what you're gonna say: JZ, don't you have a synth? Didn't I see you wearing a V-neck the other night? Yes I have an f'ing synth, and it's f'ing rad! The hipster culture does not own the synth. Brian Eno owns the synth. Also, my V-neck was not deep-cut. Everyone knows that hipsters only wear deep-cut Vs...FACT.

With that out of the way, we can get to the task at hand: anti-hipsterism. Where did this come about? Why get angry at hipsters? They didn't do anything to you...except silently judge you for being so square.

The Grand Spectacular obviously gets it. It's tough not being a hipster in a hipster-dominated world. I mean who here hasn't worn normal fitting jeans and been scoffed at by the likes of the faux-tux shirt and jean short wearing, ironic haircut sporting, cigarette/cocktail combo hipster? Man I hate that guy...(taken in front of the Granada at the Dinosaur Jr. Concert)

There is middle ground here. You can have unique style and even be slightly ironic without being a dickhead. But the catch have to stop being such dickhead all the time. Brokencyde...there is no hope for you.

Hope you Dig,

Friday, September 10, 2010

Song of the Week (Coolio - Gangsta's Paradise)

"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life
And realize there's nothing left."

When you hear those lyrics you think 2 things:
1) Sh!t's about to get real
2) Coolio is about to get Ice'd

Can you believe Coolio got Ice'd by a bunch of frat daddies? I've heard of selling out, but geez some self respect. Whatever happened to homies watchin' how they talkin' and where they walkin'? I figured those Ice-ors would have been lined in chalk by now. Coolio, thou hast lost thine edge.

Gangsta's Paradise gets the nod this week for a funny reason. One of my buddies started "hollerin' at" a hipster chick with a full back tattoo scripted with song lyrics. I asked another buddy what song lyrics she had tatted on her back. He replied: "I'm pretty sure it's Gangsta's Paradise". At the time (we were at Barcadia), my mind couldn't even comprehend the depth of how preposterous this was, so of course I bought it.

I'm not gonna lie, a part of me likes girls with tattoos, so I can totally understand the interest here. I have since learned that the lyrics are not those penned by Coolio, but of some other poet whose identity I've yet to discover. Maybe it's Shel Silverstein or Daryl Hall.

What if you were forced to get a tattoo of song lyrics on your back? What would you choose? I'm pretty sure I would pick something silly like "Bananas in Pajamas" (it's catchy) or "West End Girls".

Hope you Dig,

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Song of the Week (Rhet - Top That)

Oh "Top That!"...thou mightest be the greatest rap video of all time.

For the longest time, I never knew what true rap skills were. I thought guys like Biggie and Andre3000 and Mike D had it figured out. Clearly, these guys had already seen Teen Witch before they even thought about rapping.

Even the title "Top That"...genius. Seriously, what can you say to "Top That"?

Stop that?

Get the F outta here with that noise!

"I'm hot, and you're not. But if you wanna hang with me, I'll give it one shot!"
Rhet, you are KILLING ME! How did this lyric gold not thrust you into epic rap battles with the likes of Coolio or that guy from Nappy Rootz. Instead, you were forced to battle a Jappy little girl on a bike who tips the binary scale at ZERO...FACE! We all know that this would never happen without the use of witchcraft. I mean Rhet's funkiness rivals that of George Clinton riding a hoverboard in outer-space.

And the dance moves...Rhet...your dance moves changed my life. They are...un-top-able. Who would dare to top that? F'ing NO ONE! I can't wait to bust out my new "Top That" dance moves at the Slip Inn.

Video quality: not so good, but you need to watch the opening sequence to capture the true top-thatedness:

Shout out to Adriane for introducing me to this hidden gem.

Hope you Dig,